


If you were church, I'd get on my knees

by buckybunnyteeth



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autistic Spencer Reid, Blow Jobs, Canon PTSS, Canon-Typical Dark Themes, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort Food, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Torture, Past Violence, mentions of germaphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 20:09:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybunnyteeth/pseuds/buckybunnyteeth
Summary: The teams most recent case is hard, but its harder on Reid. Alvez tries to help.





	If you were church, I'd get on my knees

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE YOU READ; there is a discussion of a murder case and the events that happened to do with Tobias Hankel, now Reid was tortured and drugged and became an addict after that. Also, Alvez jokes that Garcia will castrate him. No violence within the fic just references to the canon-typical violence of the show.

"Come live with me, and be my love,

And we will some new pleasures prove

Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,

With silken lines, and silver hooks."

\- “The Bait”, John Donne

 

 

They land back in DC and get straight into paperwork just so they don’t have to think about how bad the last case was. Luke plants himself at his desk and immerses himself in paperwork until the sun goes down. On autopilot, he replies to goodbyes thrown his way, raises a hand to wave at Garcia when she sweeps through the bullpen, but he keeps his head down. A few hours later he looks up, blinking as his eyes adjust, and almost jumps when he sees that he isn’t alone in the bullpen.

“Reid?”

Spencer is sitting at his desk, head resting in his hands, shoulders tense, and sitting absolutely still. Every soldier’s instinct in Luke comes online at the sight.

The last case was rough, but it seemed even rougher on Spencer than the others. And that was saying something.

Luke doesn’t know why it was tougher on Reid. The guys got an empathy streak a mile wide, but Luke doesn’t know if that’s what’s causing the pain here. The case was a serial killer in Arkansas who left passages from Exodus at his crime scenes which tended to be old or abandoned graveyards. He and Spencer had been first to one of the last disposal sites, and Luke had been shocked when Spencer took one look at the victim laying amongst the soggy autumn leaves and excused himself to throw up behind the SUV.

He doesn’t know what about the case caught and hurt Spencer, but looking at the other man now Luke knows he can’t let him sit with it alone.

He gets up and walks the two desk lengths to Spencer, being sure to scuff his feet along the way so he won’t startle him.

Spencer doesn’t move when Luke leans down to speak to him, but for an absent twitch of his fingers where they are twisted in his curls.

“Come on,” Luke says softly, “Time we got out of here.”

Spencer makes a noise that is too close to a whimper for Luke’s liking.

“I-I have to-”

“It can wait. Emily will understand.”

Spencer looks up at him and his face is drawn in exhaustion and pain.

“I really-”

“Spencer,” Luke interrupts him, forcing a smile on his tired face, “Please let me buy you some dinner before we both pass out at our desks. Please.”

Luke doesn’t know if it was the last please but after a brief pause, Spencer sighs and reaches for his coat and bag.

“Alright,” he grumbles, and Luke’s smile turns into a real grin.

They grab their stuff and leave the deserted bullpen to wait for the elevators.

“There’s this place I’ve been waiting to try out,” Luke tells him as they are riding the elevator down to the parking lot, “It’s not that far from my place. It’s a Vietnamese restaurant, has a five-star _Phở_ I’ve been itching to try.”

Spencer raises an eyebrow at him.

“Are you sure they’ll be open?”

“All night until lunchtime is what they advertise.”

Spencer frowns. Luke thinks he might be correlating everything he knows about restaurant opening times, compared to what they serve, and how long they stay in business.

They step out of the elevator and Luke leads them over to his car. He is opening the boot to put their bags in when Spencer hesitates.

“It … it was nice of you to invite me, Alv- _Luke_ ,” he closes his eyes, frustrated as he rings his hands around the strap of his bag where is lays across his chest, “But you really don't have to … to take care of me or anything. I’m fine.”

Luke waits until Spencer opens his eyes and meets his gaze before he replies.

“We’re friends,” he says, seriously but kindly, “Maybe not lifelong buddies, but we’ve been through some alarmingly violent stuff together in the short time we’ve known each other. And right now, after everything that happened with this last case, I’d really like to just have a meal with someone who gets it.”

Spencer's frown fades.

Luke hopes he sees that he’s not babying him, not treating him like a green agent or a younger brother like the others might. He cares, and he understands. And he wants Reid to know that. Always.

“Shared emotional trauma,” Reid bites his lip and nods, “Yes.”

“Yes, to dinner? Or yes to us both being emotionally fucked up by our serial killer hunting jobs?”

Spencer smiles, wide and radiant and so unexpected Luke feels like he’s been punched in the gut.

“Both, but especially to the dinner.”

“Alright, hop in. you can have a cat nap on the way there if you like.”

“I’m not that tired.”

“The carry-on luggage under your eyes argue differently.”

Spencer glares at him and Luke laughs.

 

Reid does doze off on the drive to Alexandria. His head lolls back against the headrest and Luke turns down the radio so he can sleep a little better.

He’s already got a mission plan for tonight. Get Reid fed and then take him back to Luke’s house where he can get some rest, and where Luke can keep an eye on him. He’s still so raw from prison, Luke worries about what will trigger the next outburst in him, and as much as Spencer's apartment is quirky and cozy it also suffers from street noise pollution and early rising neighbors. Luke’s house is quieter. He won't force Spencer to take his spare room for the night, but he hopes when he lays out the facts that Reid will take up the opportunity.

Luke knows how it profiles. Soldier instincts he’s never shaken off, the need to protect mixed with a mild need to always be in control of a situation. Projection of worries maybe, because God knows Luke isn’t without his own PTSS.

And maybe, if you profile deeper, romantic attraction. But Luke is going to keep that locked down. Spencer has enough on his plate, he doesn’t need Luke’s puppy crush laid on him on top of that.

Spencer wakes himself up with a jolt just as they are pulling up to the restaurant, _Sunday in Saigon_. He looks around for a moment before obviously remembering where he is, and he presses a hand over his eyes with a grimace.

Luke shuts off the engine and clenches his fist against the desire to lay his hand on Reid’s shoulders. _He doesn’t like touching_ , he reminds himself, _what’s a comfort to you isn’t to him, okay_.

“You okay to go in or should I order to go? We can veg out on the couch at my place if you’d like that better.”

Spencer drops his hand to look at him. His previously tired eyes look more alert now and … intense.

He shakes his head and undoes his seat belt before Luke can get over the feeling of being intensely seen.

“Let’s go in. We came all this way, it's only logical.”

Luke doesn’t point out that ‘all this way’ was a shorter trip than Reid’s usual commute home. He just smiles and hops out of the car to follow Reid inside.

 _Sunday in Saigon_ is a nice place. A bar and seated dining area lit by a mix of soft lights and neon strips of purple and blue. One of the walls is wallpapered in what looks to be colorful reprints of a magazine, and the bar is dotted with small lamps with red shades.

They seat themselves at one of the tables along the colorful wall, a little ways away from the other closest diners and accept the waitresses offer of water when she stops by to give them their menus.

“What are you hungry for?”

“Hmm,” Spencer flicks through the menu, his face adorably scrunched as he thinks, “The house _Pho_ looks good. And maybe some, _goi cuon_ , spring rolls? I’m not overly hungry.”

“Sounds good.”

The waitress, a bubbly woman named Anne comes back over and takes their order. When she asks about wine or beer for them Luke shakes his head and tells her they are fine with water.

After she leaves Spencer looks at him quizzically.

“You’ve noticed I don’t drink.”

It's not a question, but Luke still shrugs.

“Noticed at the first dinner at Rossi’s I was invited to. Garcia poured wine for everyone but you and no one even asked you about it.”

Spencer nods but doesn’t drop his gaze.

“Do you know why?”

He sounds interested, not defensive, so Luke decides its okay to be honest. Not that he would lie to Spencer. Maybe avoid the topic to spear his feelings, but never lie.

“I figure maybe it’s a control thing,” he says nonchalantly, “People with a need to control often avoid intoxication or sexual intimacy because they don’t want to risk being out of their own control.”

Luke doesn’t realize he’s said ‘sexual intimacy’ out loud until its too late. Spencer raises his eyebrows so Luke powers through before he can say anything.

“That or it's for some other good reason that’s none of my business.”

Luke can guess what that good reason would be. But he doesn’t say that. That night at Rossi’s he made a few conclusions. And one of those conclusions was exactly what he would do to someone who hassled Reid about it.

Spencer looks at him quizzically.

“You don’t want to ask?”

“You’d tell me if you wanted to. Or if I needed to know. I trust you to do that. And I think you trust me enough to know I wouldn’t ask.”

Spencer thinks on that and nods.

“Yeah, I know you wouldn’t. You’re a good guy. Garcia says you’re a ‘nauseatingly good guy’.

Luke laughs, a triumphant grin spreading across his face.

“She really said that? About me?”

“Yep,” Spencer replies, grinning too now, “She may have been a bit tipsy.”

“Oh my god.”

And she may have made a few artistic descriptions of your … extremities.”

“Extremities.”

“You butt.”

Luke squashes his loud laughter behind his hand. The couple a few seats away from them turn to glare but he can’t find the will to care.

“Oh my god I am so going to get her for that.”

“You can’t say I was the one who told you,” Spencer says, shoulder still shaking with silent laughter, “I really don’t want her putting baby pictures of me as the whole bureau’s screensavers.”

“Has she done that before?”

“No, but she did dredge up an embarrassing teenage picture of Emily … and print it onto t-shirts.”

Luke snorts, feeling slightly giddy.

“Your secrets safe with me, Spence. I promise your baby pictures will go untouched.”

The other man doesn’t say anything, and Luke looks up to see he is staring at him with a soft, small expression that Luke’s never seen before.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Spencer shakes his head, “Nothing, it’s just … not a lot of people call me Spence.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“I like it,” Spencer smiles, softly, making him look younger than Luke knows he is, “Its … I like it.”

Luke doesn’t have time to reply before the Waitress is back with their food and he is grateful. The only response he could think of was to lean across the table and kiss Spencer.

Conversation drops off as they dig into their food. Neither of them are overly hungry, an unsurprising side effect of their last case, but when the smell of the soup hits Luke he suddenly feels like he could eat the restaurant out of business. Spencer looks much the same, hunched over his bowl like he’s both too ravenous to sit up straight, and afraid someone will come past and steal it.

Luke can’t help but be amused by the way the other man’s eyes widen in surprise at the spicy taste of the soup, and then he starts eating faster.

He can’t help but be amused and endeared by Spencer most of the time. His little crush on the genius resident of the BAU hadn’t entirely come out of left field. Spencer fit his type to a t; smart, kind, tall, and completely dorky. The tendency for messy hair and a pair of big brown eyes didn’t hurt either.

The crush formed pretty much straight away, just after Spencer explained that fratricide was the first murder ever recorded. Luke hadn’t been expecting it, for him to be so cute and smart at the same time. As they got to know each other the feelings only grew, as he learned about Spencer's strength and every enduring kindness in the face of adversity. It was hard to stand against the dark, and Luke couldn’t help but admire the way Spencer has managed to stay standing for so long.

Luke may have told his sister all about him. On multiple occasions.

He may have a text from her on his phone that says; _jesus Christ luke do you’re too gay to function._

The finish their _Pho_ without saying anything, but the silence is companionable so neither of them mind. After its gone Luke sits back and pops a spring roll in his mouth.

“I’m definitely going to have to come back here when I’m actually hungry.”

Spencer nods and pushes aside his own bowl in favor of the rolls.

“ _Pho_ is actually a relatively young dish,” he explains excitedly, “It came out of Northern Vietnam in the mid-1880’s and was influenced by both Chinese and French cooking, rice noodles and spiced were imported from China and the French had popularized the eating of red meat.”

“Wow. I didn’t know that.”

Spencer smiles at him.

“In fact, it’s believed that the word _Pho_ is derived from ‘ _pot au feu’_ , a French soup. It’s a uniquely Vietnamese dish, however, with northern and southern differences. This _Pho_ was a southern derivative, you can tell because it has more ingredients and complexities than …. What?”

“Huh?”

Spencer shifts looking down almost bashfully.

“You’re, uh, sort of … _gazing_ at me.”

Luke’s stomach flips but she just shrugs and looks down to get another egg roll.

“I like listening to you talk.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Spencer frown again.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess … I never stop learning with you around.”

Reid’s frown just deepens.

They finish their food and while Spencer is distracted by his jacket Luke pays for their meals. Spencer levels him with a hard stare but doesn’t say anything.

They walk to the car in companionable silence which Luke only breaks when his hand is on the door handle.

“So, I was thinking, its really late and I don’t think either of us should be staying awake for too much longer. I have a spare room in my house which you are welcome too if you like.”

Spencer once again looks surprised.

And his reply comes completely out of left field.

“Have you heard of an unsub named Tobias Hankel?”

“Uh,” Luke fumbles as his brain tries to keep up with the subject change, “No- no I haven’t.”

“He was a serial killer with multiple personalities caused by a massive amount of drug abuse and a mental break over the morality of mercy killing his abusive father,” Reid explains, something frantic about his tone, “In November 2006 we were called out to Atlanta, the unsub had been making false 911 calls and leaving passages of religious text at the crime scenes, we thought it was a team killing but it turned out to only be Hankel-”

Luke can see where this is going. He suddenly feels the need to get Spencer off the street, get him somewhere safe.

“Reid-”

“-He kidnapped me.”

Luke feels the bottom of his stomach drop out.

“What?”

Spencer looks around them, at the disserted street, and Luke thinks he might be holding back tears.

“He kidnapped me when we thought he was just a witness. He almost … almost killed JJ with a pack of dogs.”

“Reid-,” Luke steps closer so they are almost touching, “You really don’t have to tell me-”

“Hankel- _Tobias_ , thought he was saving me and the other personalities thought they were punishing me and it just ended up being …”

“Torture.”

Spencer looks up and meets his eyes again. He looks so tired, so lost.

“He drugged me,” Spencer admits in a small whisper of a voice, “With Dilaudid. Then when he was done he took me outside into an-an old cemetery, and the ground was covered in all these- all these _fallen leaves_ … and he made me dig my own grave.”

It all clicks in place and Luke can’t hold back anymore. He cups one of his hands around Spencer's shoulder, the other around his jaw, and leans their foreheads together. Its intimate, maybe too intimate for only knowing each other just over a year, but it makes Reid stop shaking.

He can fill in everything that Spencer’s not saying. That he was drugged and found he couldn’t stop chasing that need to be drugged again, that from then on, he knew what victims were thinking as they were about to die, that the last shred of his pre bureau innocence had died somewhere in backwoods Atlanta and he hadn’t been able to bring it back to life, no matter how hard he tried.

“I’m sorry,” he tells him softly, “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“I just- I just thought- you’ve been so nice to me, even when you don’t have to be-”

“You don’t owe me a thing. You’ve never owed me a damn thing, Reid.”

Reid smiles and its watery and sad.

“I don’t want you to think I’m too weak to do this job.”

“You’ve been doing this job for a lot longer than I have, Spence. And being vulnerable for one moment, for a second, isn’t going to change what I think about you. Not ever.”

Spencer moves his head and Luke thinks he is leaning into the cup of his palm.

“You confuse me,” he admits in a whisper, “I want you to like me, but I don’t know how. You- … you never- you’re so _hard_ to read. I know you see more about me than what you say, and I wanted to not like you before I met you because I was being irrational about Morgan, but then I _met_ you and-”

He seems to suddenly run out of words. Luke watches him close his eyes and his heart clenches.

Emotional overload. That’s what he’s going through. He was spiraling and then Luke was kind to him, surprised him and now he’s spiraling in a new direction and it's confusing and overwhelming.

“I’m easy to read,” Luke says after a moment, “And I’m pretty sure you usually trust what you read about me. But right now, you’re exhausted and reliving past trauma, and it's affecting your thought patterns. Making you spiral.”

“I know, I know it is,” Spencer grimaces, “I’m not making sense.”

“Which is why you should come home with me and crash in my spare room and drink all my coffee tomorrow morning.”

Spencer opens his eyes again and the frantic sense of them is gone, replaced by something steadier.

“I’m sorry.”

Luke smiles then, stepping back so they aren’t basically pressed together from head to toe anymore.

“No problem. But I reserve the right to freak out on you at a future date.”

Spencer laughs, and Luke can’t help but copy him.

He opens the door for Reid and he jumps in. Luke gets in the other side and they leave the emotional moment behind them.

 

They get home to Luke house and when they open the door Roxy trots up, sleepy but obviously ecstatic to see them. She butts against Luke’s leg, her nails tapping like dance shoes on the wooden floor.

“Hey girly,” Luke coos, scratching her behind the ears until she flops down onto her back.

“Do you leave her here during the day?”

“Nah, my neighbor takes her. She used to raise German Sheppard’s and she likes having them around. She must have dropped her off back here for the night.”

Roxy, at that moment, must notice Reid because she jumps up and starts circling his legs, tail whacking around in excitement. Reid smiles down at her.

“Hey Roxy, I’m Spencer.”

Roxy whines, licks at Reid’s hand and then trots away to her bed to retrieve her favorite toy for him to appraise. Reid makes all the appropriate noises of interest and Roxy drops the toy at his feet with a big doggy grin.

“Oh … thanks.”

Luke laughs and kicks the toy away, Roxy skidding after it into the living room.

“Don’t feel obligated to touch any of her toys. They’re pretty gross and I know how you feel about germs.”

Spencer puts his bag down and sips his shoes off by the door.

“Did you know that it's actually a myth that dogs mouths are cleaner than humans? They actually contain different flora, or bacteria, than humans. Different bacteria that doesn’t occur naturally in humans, so the myths of dogs healing saliva is actually dangerous, if a dog were to get its saliva into an open wound it could cause a pretty nasty infection.”

Luke grimaces.

“I’m going to remember that next time my neighbor talks about the healing power of dogs.”

Spencer smiles and shrugs off his jacket.

“The spare room is that way,” Luke explains pointing behind him, “There are some spare pairs of sleep pants and t-shirts in there. I’m sorry if they have a weird pattern on them my nieces got them for my last birthday.”

Spencer raises an eyebrow and disappears down the hallway. Luke walks into the kitchen and gets out a glass of water ready to take his night time pills.

“Donald Duck?” Spencer calls out, sound amused.

Luke smiles.

“He’s a vet man. I guess they thought it was apt.”

He hears Spencer chuckle and when he turns around Spencer is standing there in a pair of baggy blue Donald duck pajama pants and an old t-shirt of Lukes that reads ARMY across the chest and hangs around spencer like a circus tent.

Luke feels like he can’t breathe.

He’s never wanted someone so much in his life.

“I like them,” Spencer says, swishing the loose legs around, “They remind me of some I had as a child.”

“Feel free to keep them, Man. I can’t sleep in something so loud.”

“What like a door prize?”

“That’s the way we do it at Chateau Alvez.”

Spencer grins and steps over to the counter, to stand next to Luke.

“Thank you for …” Spencer trails off, his hands twisting in the front of his shirt, “For all this.”

“We’re a team,” Luke says with a smile, “And we’re friends. It's not in my DNA to let my friends suffer alone.”

“Yeah, I’ve kind of picked up on that.”

 “And uh,” Luke bites his lip and then turns so he is facing Spencer, meeting his eyes, “If I’m being honest, having another person in the house with me would be a big comfort.”

Spencer nods in understanding.

“Waters in the fridge,” Luke continues to break the tense moment, “Snacks are in the cupboard, and you’ll wanna sleep with the door shut or Roxy will climb on in with you during the night.”

Reid looks down at Roxy, who just cocks her head to the side like she’s the most innocent dog in the world.

“I’ll make sure to do that.”

Roxy whines.

“Well um,” Spencer shifts on his feet, “I’ll um, go.”

“Goodnight, Spencer.”

Spencer hesitates a moment longer and then he steps completely into Luke’s space and kisses him on the cheek.

“Goodnight. Luke.”

Spencer has disappeared down the hallway and shut the door before Luke is able to breathe again.

 

Luke sleeps well that night, considering the gruesome nature of the last case they worked. He only wakes once, and he doesn’t feel the need to patrol the perimeter when he does. He just rolls over and buries his face in Roxy’s fur, the nightmares chasing themselves away.

He hears nothing from Spencer's room. No shout of panic or whimper of pain. He hopes he is getting just as much rest. The guy needs a decent night sleep. Above other things.

Luke wakes up to the mid-morning sun streaming through the curtains and the smell of pancakes drifting through the open door. He rolls over and sees that Roxy has left him and a text from Emily is waiting for him on his phone.

_Got us all the day off. Anyone who comes in will get suspended :)_

Luke smiles and jumps out of bed. He follows the smell to the kitchen-

And damn near passes out from the sight that greets him.

Spencer is at the stove, frying up breakfast while an attentive Roxy leans against his legs, whining softly. He’s still dressed in the clothes from last night, but he’s freshly shower, skin flushed slightly and hair fluffier than it was last night. As Luke watches he smiles down at Roxy and slips her a sliver of bacon. She wolfs it down, tail wagging happily.

Spencer looks up, face split with a smile.

“Good morning,” he says with a laugh in his voice as Roxy bumps his legs.

And- and Luke can’t take it. A handsome man, standing in his sunlit kitchen, talking with his dog, cooking breakfast while wearing his clothes.

He feels the overwhelming urge to fall to his knees and propose just so he can have this every morning.

God. His sister has a point.

“Good morning,” he replies, clearing his throat as he walks up and sits at the kitchen island, “I hope you didn’t feel obligated to-”

“I didn’t,” Spencer cuts him off, still smiling as he piles all the food onto a couple of plates, “You fed me last night, so I thought it would just be good karma to feed you.”

Luke snorts.

“Okay, if it’s for karma.”

Spencer turns around and places the food on the island before sitting across from Luke.

“Woah a full spread,” Luke laughs, “You know I usually just have cereal for breakfast, right? I can’t cook worth a damn on a good day. This is a real treat.”

Spencer bashfully looks down.

They eat in companionable silence broken only by the occasional comment about work, or what they have planned for the rest of the week, or whatever weird think Roxy has decided to do at that moment.

When his plate is clear Luke groans in mock-disappointment.

“I haven’t had a meal that good in years.”

“Our chefs last night will be sad to hear my soggy pancakes beat put their Pho.”

“Life’s a bitch that way.”

Spencer chuckles and begins to stand up to clear their plates.

Luke stretches, enjoying the subtle warmth of a homecooked breakfast. He raises his hands over his head … And then watches as Spencer freezes, midmotion.

“What’s wrong?”

“No-what? Nothing.”

Luke squints at him. Spencer's face has gone bright red, and his eyes keep flicking down to Luke’s chest. Luke’s uncovered chest. Because he forgot to grab a shirt.

He mentally curses himself. Of course, Spencer would be uncomfortable with him shirtless like this, he’s got a thing with germs, _god Luke you dumbass_.

He jumps up from his chair and grabs his hoodie and is shrugging it on when-

“You have a tattoo?”

Its Luke’s turn to freeze. Like a deer in the headlights, he watches as Spencer comes around the kitchen island and stands a hairs breath away.

Like he’s stuck in a dream he watches as Spencer raises his hand and runs his fingertips along Luke’s right pectoral where a dark dagger and banner are inked.

“Um,” he swallows thickly as his whole skin tingles from the contact, “Um- yeah, it’s a Rangers slogan. For the 75th, its-”

“ _Sua Sponte_ ,” Spencer says, “’Of Their Own Accord’.”

God, Luke is going to explode.

Spencer lays his hand flat over the tattoo, bites his lip and then raises his gaze to Luke’s.

All those other times Luke thought he couldn’t breathe? Those are nothing compared to right now.

Spencer looks up at him, something unreadable in his big dark eyes. His other hand is resting on Luke’s waist, and he has never seen Spencer touch someone so willingly, or for so long before, not even JJ or Emily who he’s known for so many years-

And then Luke is being kissed.

He drops the hoodie and wraps an arm around Spencer's waist, so he can pull them up against each other. Spencer groans and Luke feels his hands come up to cup around his face.

Luke tries to kiss him like he thinks Spencer would want, slow and soft like a first kiss should be. But Spencer is in control and is kissing Luke with a kind of frenzied heat he feels right down to his bones. Luke can practically feel his brain cells dying in bliss, he can’t remember ever being kissed like this.

Suddenly Spencer breaks off, but he doesn’t move away. He’s breathing raggedly, and his eyes keep trailing back down to Luke’s lips like he physically can’t stop wanting to kiss him.

“I’ve been trying to _flirt_ with you for _months_ ,” he admits, thumb tracing along Luke’s jaw, “But you never did anything about it- and then you said about Catholic school, and you were in the army and I thought I had no chance- but last night you were so nice, and Rossi has been telling me to go for it-”

Luke kisses him, hard and quick.

“Didn’t think you were interested,” he admits leaning down to kiss along Spencer's neck, “Didn’t think I stood a chance.”

“What?” Spencer all but squawks, “That-that’s ridiculous have you _seen_ yourself? You’re- You’re- … sort of perfect.”

Luke smiles against the skin of his neck. Spencer sounds almost angry, on Luke’s behalf. It's sweet.

“I don’t’ know about perfect,” he chuckles, pressing his lips to Spencer's jaw hinge, “Especially not compared to a certified genius who has a hundred Ph.D.’s and looks _really_ good in a cardigan.”

Luke can feel his blush under his lips. This is the best day of his life.

Spencer's hand trails down from Luke’s neck, across his chest, to press against his abs. heat flares in Luke’s stomach and he groans. Spencer turns his head, so their lips are almost pressed together again.

“I don’t want this to be a one-time thing,” he says in a whisper, eyes already hazy like they’ve done more than just make out, “I’m not built for that kind of thing- I mean I should probably have said that before I kissed you.”

“I feel the same.”

Spencer's eyes go a bit wide and Luke’s heart breaks a little. How unaccustomed is this man to getting something good? To getting someone to stay?

“You do?”

“Serial monogamist is what an old boyfriend called me,” he chuckles, “Not that I’ve been in a relationship for about five years.”

Spencer nods, and he can’t tear his eyes away from Luke’s mouth. His hand curls against Luke’s stomach, and bites his lip.

“As much as I would like to keep talking about this I uh, um, was sort of trying to seduce you.”

“Oh, were you?”

Spencer finally tears his eyes away from Luke’s lips just to glare at him.

“Well, maybe I wasn’t.”

Luke chuckles and tightens his arm around Spencer's waist, settling his other on Spencer's thigh. He feels him shiver under the touch.

“Come on, Sweetheart.”

Spencer's eyes widen at the pet name at Luke has exactly one half of a second to panic that he’s stepped out of line, that pet names are a no-no before Spencer is kissing him. Really, really kissing him while he grips his jaw and his other hand reaches down to fumble at the tie on his pants.

Luke moans.

“Bedroom,” he groans when he gets the strength to break away, “God, _Spencer_.”

Spencer nods quickly and reconnects their mouths. He hooks his fingers into the band of Luke’s sweatpants and starts to lead him backward towards the bedrooms.

“I uh,” Spencer says between kisses, “I won’t always be comfortable with this level of touching or intimacy, I have good days and bad days-”

“I know those,” Luke agrees as he kicks the door closed behind them, while he kisses down Reid’s throat, “I get them too. I won’t mind.”

“-but there is something I’ve been thinking about recently.”

“What?”

Spencer spins Luke around and pushes him down onto the bed. Luke flops against the bedspread, his hands landing beside his head. He then climbs on beside him and pulls undone the tie on his sweats. Luke cants his hips up and moans as Spencers very _very_ nice hands brush against his cock. He’s been hard since Spencer lay his hand on his abs and the faintest touch feels like sweet relief.

“I’ve been- well do you know the Oscar Wilde quote; _‘Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.’_?”

He feels his heart try and break out of his chest.

“Oh, god.”

Spencer peels the sweats off Luke, and any embarrassment over him not wearing underwear disappears as he watches Spencers mouth drop open as he looks at all of Luke. He looks _hungry_.

Luke wants to tell him he doesn’t have too, that he is happy with whatever they do together. He knows that Reid isn’t as sexually experienced as he is. But Reid looks confident, and the strong way he holds himself is really doing something for Luke. He won’t deny Reid taking something for himself from him.

Reid trails a hand up the inside of Luke’s thigh making his whole body shiver.

“And I would go to my knees,” Spencer continues as he settles himself above Luke, “But I got shot in the knee a few years ago and I really can’t kneel for that long.”

“Wait, you god shot in-? _oh_ , _fuck_.”

He starts by licking down Luke’s abs. He trails down slowly, hands running down his legs, before kissing the base of his dick.

“Ah!” Luke pants when a kiss sends electricity buzzing up his spine.

Spence looks up at him, eyes burning, and then while keeping eye contact he takes hold of Luke’s cock and guides it into his mouth. Luke has to break the wonderfully enticing eye contact when his eyes roll into the back of his head and he moans like a dying man.

“Aw Christ!” he curses and fists his hands in the pillow above his head.

Spencer hums around him and begins to move his head and hand in tandem. The perfect wet heat of his mouth and the friction- Luke is really going to have to re-think this whole ‘Spencer being less experienced' thing because god damn he is good at this. Spencer twirls his tongue and roughly twists his hand at the same time and Luke moans so loud it trails off into a whimper when he loses his voice against the sensation.

He opens his eyes and looks back down. Spencer looks amazing, simultaneously the sexiest and most beautiful sight he’s ever seen in his life. His brow is furrowed in concentration while he bobs his head and moves his hand, and when Luke notices his hips rolling against the bed he damn near loses it right then and there.

“Oh, Spencer,” he pants, hips twitching against the divine feeling, “Oh, _Cariño_ , just like that.”

With his free hand Spencer reaches up and presses the flat of his palm down hard just under his belly button and he barely gets time to shout a warning before his vision is whiting out and he is coming harder than he ever has in his life.

When he comes back to earth he is panting heavily and all his bones feel like they’ve been liquified. He opens his eyes to see Spencer leaning over him, whipping his mouth and with an obvious tent in the front of his pajamas.

“Hmm,” he hums as he licks his lips, his face contemplative, “I probably should have asked you if you’ve ever experienced PCT before I did that.”

“PCT?”

He feels like he’s speaking from far away, his body still in heaven as his brain reboots.

“Post-coital _tristesse_ , from the French word literally meaning ‘sadness’. Sometimes referred to as PCD; post-coital dysphoria,” Spencer explains, face lighting up as he lays down on top of Luke, folding his hands on his chest as he animatedly explains, “it’s a phenomenon where subjects experience a feeling of sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sexual intercourse. Achieving orgasm or not is irrelevant, and it has no relation to the refractory period-”

“Ah-huh.”

Luke flips them over, the boneless feeling leaving him as the fire returns and he desperately needs Spencer to feel as good as he just made him feel. Spencer looks up at him with a flushed face and big dark eyes, his hair fanned around him in a way that Luke will tease him about later. Much later.

He kisses him, moaning as he tastes himself on Reid’s lips. He tips Spencer's head back and kisses him deeper, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Spencer moans and presses his hips up into Luke’s, whimpering when his erection rubs against him.

Luke breaks off and smiles down at him.

“Please tell me I can return the favor.”

Spencer splutters for a moment.

“Y-yes, I would be- don’t feel obligated to but- yes. Yes, please.”

Luke smiles wider and reaches down into Spencer's pants to take him in hand. Spencer moans, eyes going wide like he’s shocked.

“Sweetheart,” he says lowly, “I would consider it a divine blessing.”

Spencer tries to laugh but it turns into a moan as Luke moves his hand. Luke could watch him twist and turn all day, writhing in the pleasure of Luke’s hands, but he can feel his mouth watering.

He pushes up his shirt just a little, then pulls down his pants and sucks Spencer into his mouth.

“Shit!”

Spencer swears, and his hips snap up. Luke rolls with the motion, throwing Spencer's legs over his back as he takes him down his throat. He swallows and swirls his tongue, and pulls out all the stops so he can make Spencer feel mind-numbingly amazing.

“Oh god,” Spencer whines, and when Luke looks up his hands are twisting in his own hair, face twisted in pleasure, “Oh, Luke I- I- _Jesus Christ_.”

His hips shake, and Luke pulls back just in time to watch him come all over the ARMY on his chest.

Spencer's breathing is labored and he’s so red its almost alarming. He looks so fucked out Luke wants to burn the image into his mind. He rights his pants but leaves the shirt because it strokes that small possessive part of his soul, one that purrs on seeing his lover so obviously his.

“Ohh,” Spencer whines as Luke lays down next to him chuckling, “I’m- ooh.”

Luke kisses him on the cheek, still smiling.

“You are doing wonders for my ego.”

“I will do anything for any part of your psyche as long as you do that again sometime in the future.”

Luke laughs again, feeling his own blush take over his cheeks. Spencer turns his head and smiles at him, face all warm and hazy.

“No sadness, anxiety, agitation?”

Spencer flops a hand out so the back of it lays across Luke’s chest, right over his heart.

“I feel amazing,” he says, sounding dreamy, “Is this what people mean when they say people have a ‘honeymoon phase’ of their relationship?”

“Pretty sure I need to take you on a date before we go through a honeymoon phase.”

“You took me on a date last night!” Spencer laughs and rolls over, pressing all along Luke’s side, “You bought me dinner and everything.”

“Hmmm. How about I keep taking you on dates and we see if the feeling stays. Do a scientific study.”

Spencer bites his lip to hide a smile.

“That’s a very small subject pool,” he teases, “Not very scientific.”

“No Ph.D. in my future then?”

“Maybe just a Bachelor’s Degree.”

Luke pulls him closer, uncaring of the mess, just wanting to be as close to him as possible. Spencer turns and presses his face into Luke’s shoulder.

“I have a lot of demons,” he says softly, “But I think you do too. And I think- I know we can make something here. If we try.”

Luke presses a kiss into his hair.

“ _‘Begin as you mean to go on’_ ”

“Charles Haddon Spurgeon.”

Luke hums and draws a hand down Spencers back, the allure of sleep tugging them both down.

“If this is our beginning,” he says, “I think we’ve got a chance.”

Spencer hums.

“You have to tell Garcia though.”

Luke’s eyes snap open all the post-sex sleepiness leaving him, replaced by panic.

“You want me to tell her I have seduced and deflowered one of her oldest friends?”

“Hardly deflowered,” Spencer laughs as he rolls up on to his knees and begins to strip off his dirty clothes, surprisingly okay with nudity, “But, basically yeah.”

“You want her to _castrate_ me?”

On his way to the bathroom to shower Spencer leans down and kisses him, eyes sparkling with mischief.

“She wouldn’t castrate you. Cut your hamstrings maybe. Definitely, destroy your credit rating.”

Luke looks appalled, but Spencer just grins wider.

“But only if you break my heart.”

Luke stands up quickly and wraps his arms around Spencer, kissing his neck as he leads them towards the shower.

 “Guess I better keep your heart intact then.”

“Yeah,” Spencer lays his head back on Luke’s shoulder, “I think I’m in good hands.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sunday in Saigon is NOT open so late, do not go there at 3 am thinking it is. I am a dumb Aussie, I know nothing about American geography and towns so take all of this with a grain of salt. 
> 
> I intended to write a different story but this came out. Also yes, the title is the new fall out boy song, thank you for noticing.
> 
> tell me what you think! if you have a ralvez prompt/idea drop me a ask or dm @buckybunnyteeth on tumblr
> 
> ps. I have Grammarly so I should have got all of the spelling mistakes, but I will look over this again with fresh eyes in a couple of days.


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